I have three blogs that are in various levels of development but I am shooting this one from the hip, so to speak, in five minutes of an adrenalin rush upon arriving home.
Ten minutes ago I left my NYC neighborhood Duane Reade pharmacy and on my way out the door withdrew some cash from a Chase ATM machine.
As my transaction finished a row of balloons spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY flashed merrily on the screen.
Whaaaaa.....????.
My jaw dropped but I reasoned it was just a coincidence. My birthday had occurred last week and was coinciding with some Chase public relations promotion. But there was no other text on the screen. Just one letter per balloon spelling out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.”
I think if it had said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIBBY” I would have had a heart attack!
Was it about MY birthday? My REAL birthday???? ULP.
Should I worry if it was for my birthday that this bank I rely on for financial calculations was six days off?
I am sorry, but I don’t want my local ATMs to cultivate a faux-personal relationship with me. NO WAY, JOSE!!! Especially with the specter of the NSA haunting all of us global citizens.
Remember HAL in the movie "2001"? What a kind and reasonable voice he -- it -- had!
Color me paranoid but behind the bright, pretty balloons was to me a sinister reminder. "First off, we know your birthday!" (Of course they do!) "And WE (big NSA brother and all those crony corporate siblings) know everything else about you." I had just used my “club” discount card which tracked everything I had bought at Duane Reade. After 3000 points worth of purchases I get $5 off. A cheap price for the data-mining of me and my consumer footprints. But I am one more willing sucker for that $5.
It was and is the g*d-d*mned banksters who broke and are still breaking the economy domestically and internationally enabled by our (but not our) bribed politicians. Banksters who are laundering money for Mexican drug cartels. Who are loan sharking vulnerable students. Foreclosing homes. Being given a cool $75 billion a month by the FED (having been given $85 billion for such a long time already). Carl Levin has referred to JPMorgan specifically as a "financial snake pit." Don’t get me started on that rabid rat bastard Jamie Dimon who should be in jail but instead was just voted a 74% pay increase by the JPMorganChase board of directors. He is Obama’s personal banking BFF. Tell me who your friends are. Ever hear that expression?
Take back your friggin’ balloon message!
All is not forgiven, you economic terrorists.
I got home just now and googled “Chase” and “Happy Birthday” and found a perky promotional article by a Jackie Stewart on the "American Banker" website:
JPMorgan Chase (JPM) has turned happy birthday wishes into a high-tech art form for its customers.Its automated teller machines and its banking website display a special message for customers a week before and after their birthdays. The messages are part of a broader plan launched in 2011 by the New York company to improve the consumer experience.snipManagement embraced the idea, so JPMorgan started with a pilot program and then eventually expanded it nationwide in the first quarter of 2013. Roughly 120,000 JPMorgan customers celebrate a birthday every day so there are approximately 500,000 birthday messages being displayed on any given day. The notes can be displayed in English or Spanish.snip"It is just a nice surprise for the customer," Vollenweider [one of the chief administration officers] says. "The impersonal suddenly becomes very personal."
Ever watch the old classic movie "Fahrenheit 451" based on the book by Ray Bradbury? The wall screen talks personally to Linda from the screen and zombied out Linda is delighted -- in fact, the movie reveals that all the Lindas watching the wall screen are delighted they have been psuedo-singled out.
Ever hear the expression “plastic fuzzies”?
PROACTIVE mass surveillance is not our friend!
CREEPY.
[cross-posted on correntewire]
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How out of character is it for someone like you to be banking with Chase????? Yikes! (ducking)
I agree with you - about Birthday Wishes... but our Accounts in Banks have a lot more than your Birth Date & Birth Weight! It's bad enough that my Grocery Store sends me coupons for Prune Juice & Bean-o...but the Internet won't stop selling me Penis-Inlargers! R
Well obviously you didn't get the memo libby. It clearly states "nice surprise". Sheesh. It's Big Brother with a heart and all, not Big Robot.
@Marilyn: But do they offer you Viagra and Jock-Itch-Stop?
Marilyn, it's Enlargers. I can forward you a few dozen email proofs if you're in doubt.
Do they offer men breast enlargement products, Abra?
or maybe man-bras?
or maybe man-bras?
Haven't been hit up for breast enlargers PW. I must be hitting the wrong websites. And what was that name on Seinfeld? The manzier or the bro?
Personalized marketing is the future of business in the corporate ecology... RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. R&R ;-)
Jeesh, so all I have to do is wish "happy birthday" after robbing someone and all is well?? Cool!
You have a BFF at Chase Manhattan.
Isn't that how the slogan goes?
Isn't that how the slogan goes?
Marlboro sends me a B/D card with coupons on my birthday every year for at least 10 years. Sadly that is the ONLY birthday card I get, nothing brightens your day more at 65 to receive coupons from the cigarette maker you have been loyal to for 50 years.
Happy Birthday! (last week)
Happy Birthday! (last week)
Happy Birfday, (last weeee,eek!!)
Happy Birfday! (last week)
Hey, consider yourself lucky that some little bankers didn't jump out of that ATM and give you the bumps!
;-)
.
Happy Birthday! (last week)
Happy Birfday, (last weeee,eek!!)
Happy Birfday! (last week)
Hey, consider yourself lucky that some little bankers didn't jump out of that ATM and give you the bumps!
;-)
.
You must take my attitude to all this , dear Libby.
(My mother used to have it. I never agreed with her about it , but that was way back in the early 2000’s…)
Just be glad you’ll be dead soon. You won’t have to experience what is coming.
For example, going into the Pharmacy of the Future, holding out your hand (containing your all-purpose chip) to have the “money” for your purchases removed from your account, and being told by the machine-clerk that your cholesterol is a little high , your calcium is a little low, your electrolyte balance could use a tune up, your period is starting in 2 days, and by the way don’t forget to buy a birthday card for your Aunt Edna & a bar mitzvah gift for your friend’s little brat Benjamin.
(My mother used to have it. I never agreed with her about it , but that was way back in the early 2000’s…)
Just be glad you’ll be dead soon. You won’t have to experience what is coming.
For example, going into the Pharmacy of the Future, holding out your hand (containing your all-purpose chip) to have the “money” for your purchases removed from your account, and being told by the machine-clerk that your cholesterol is a little high , your calcium is a little low, your electrolyte balance could use a tune up, your period is starting in 2 days, and by the way don’t forget to buy a birthday card for your Aunt Edna & a bar mitzvah gift for your friend’s little brat Benjamin.
Everything we do, did, or might think about doing is being recorded and used to build larger and more complex profiles regarding our buying habits, friends, sexual preference, health et al. Once it concerned me...now I know that it is futile.
ATM knew it wasn't actually your birthday, he was working you for a tip. They say he's cheeky like that.
Agreed! Stupid idea.
Here's one new one. Fema is changing the flood zones so the banks can demand insurance from homeowners who don't need flood insurance! Check out the NEW mapped zones. It's a climate change scandal, L. :D
Here's one new one. Fema is changing the flood zones so the banks can demand insurance from homeowners who don't need flood insurance! Check out the NEW mapped zones. It's a climate change scandal, L. :D
You can run but you can't hide. I'd say change banks but where to go? Have you seen the movie "Her". A soft reminder of what the future could be like or maybe already is.
I realize it was unnerving, but this could make for dark sketch comedy.
Rated.
Rated.
A belated happy birthday from one real person to another. Why JPM thought this would "improve the consumer experience" is beyond comprehension. It just makes American finance look even more sinister than it already seems to most of us.
Good obsrevational eye for those small-detail ways we're being led into the future.
Good obsrevational eye for those small-detail ways we're being led into the future.
Libby: Your birthday might've been celebrated here already except--you were not around.
We missed you!
Hope it was a grand day, despite the ugly pass made by ATM!
@Abra: The "bro," as i recall, was the one almost made me wet my pants, I was laughing so much.
@Jmac: EEK! You mean the Borg are back?
(ducking and covering for real)
We missed you!
Hope it was a grand day, despite the ugly pass made by ATM!
@Abra: The "bro," as i recall, was the one almost made me wet my pants, I was laughing so much.
@Jmac: EEK! You mean the Borg are back?
(ducking and covering for real)
Big data is such a curious thing. Since I've started working on that open source information project for the CIA, my internet searches have changed. And suddenly, I find that I'm getting more spam from very high priced hookers. I think that says something about American foreign policy -- as well as big data.
Sorry for the typo Abraswang - guess I was flustered just thinking about it! ha ha
Google wished my sister a happy birthday last summer, and the horrified shrieking that ensued... well, I'm just glad I didn't call 911.
PW, yes, I need to walk the walk more. Been thinking about banking at a more honorable bank. Inertia. It may have taken this good will pr to drive me there.
Marilyn, Hah!!! I relate. Those penis enlargement emails proliferating as well as expanding!
Yes, Abra. That was the general idea, a nifty surprise. I was hyperventilating even when I only half thought it was serious. Was actually more sure it was some ad campaign. Targeting me with plastic fuzzies. Plastic "card" fuzzies!!!
jmac -- yes, indeedy, resistance feels futile!!!
CG, that is exactly the scenario I see!!!
BFF -- especially if I am in the red, kosh. Parasitic symbiotic BFF.
o/e -- yipes.
sky, thanks for the song! yes, it could have had audio and it did not flash my name, even my first name. But I'm thinking it will get cuter and cuddlier as time goes by.
James, you are saying -- look at the bright side, I'll be dead soon????? Double yipes!!! The reminder of Aunt Edna and BM gift for Benjamin is a hoot. Hey someone at correntewire offered up this link. Worth checking out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=IFe9wiDfb0E
ande, cyber convenience has a higher cost than most of us could begin to imagine. as our police state intensifies, the stored data will become more and more damning since dissent will become more and more demonized and criminalized, on the darker side of this stuff.
I guess I was so stunned I missed the tip jar toggle button. damon. You know, wish me happy birthday for the month maybe. The week before or week after??? Doesn't feel organized somehow. Couldn't count on me using the atm on the exact day. I'm thinking of the brainstorming meeting in a conference room on this program and how to make it work with customers.
tg within, I am chewing on my fist after reading that!!!
zanelle, I was thinking of 2001 movie and Fahrenheit 451, but HER is the exact movie of today that resonates with this. I actually liked the movie and got it. It did creep me out and I think the ending was a bit of a copout. I'm thinking the atm will get jealous now to discover I am seeing other atms!!! but, hey, it is cheating on me with other humans!!! Last time I went to that ATM at DR it was outta money. How should I interpret that rejection and abandonment. Maybe next time it'll play the music to "What's Love Got To Do With It" or "She Works Hard for the Money" or "Money Makes the World Go Around"!!!
Gary, nice segway -- my comment to zanelle to your comment. I'm thinking some generous gratuitous deposits would serve me far better than flowers. A graphic of balloons -- why not some greens sliding out of that lower slot unsubtracted from my account????
jon, it is getting harder and harder to do satire when reality is so surreal!!! eh???
Daniel, thanks for the good will! :-) Yes, I felt a machine was trying to seduce me! I'm not that easy!
PW, bday was lovely! still celebrating with humans. ty!
onl, wow. hooker , excuse me, call girl spam. yipes tripled.
mumble, you mean wished her that across the google screen, like instead of google, happy birthday fill in your sis's name? I hope she had multiple o's in her name. (sorry, only thing I could think of to try to be funny here!) :-)
thanks, guys and gals, for your helping me process my a-t-m (acknowledging TOO much) scare!!!
best, libby
Marilyn, Hah!!! I relate. Those penis enlargement emails proliferating as well as expanding!
Yes, Abra. That was the general idea, a nifty surprise. I was hyperventilating even when I only half thought it was serious. Was actually more sure it was some ad campaign. Targeting me with plastic fuzzies. Plastic "card" fuzzies!!!
jmac -- yes, indeedy, resistance feels futile!!!
CG, that is exactly the scenario I see!!!
BFF -- especially if I am in the red, kosh. Parasitic symbiotic BFF.
o/e -- yipes.
sky, thanks for the song! yes, it could have had audio and it did not flash my name, even my first name. But I'm thinking it will get cuter and cuddlier as time goes by.
James, you are saying -- look at the bright side, I'll be dead soon????? Double yipes!!! The reminder of Aunt Edna and BM gift for Benjamin is a hoot. Hey someone at correntewire offered up this link. Worth checking out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=IFe9wiDfb0E
ande, cyber convenience has a higher cost than most of us could begin to imagine. as our police state intensifies, the stored data will become more and more damning since dissent will become more and more demonized and criminalized, on the darker side of this stuff.
I guess I was so stunned I missed the tip jar toggle button. damon. You know, wish me happy birthday for the month maybe. The week before or week after??? Doesn't feel organized somehow. Couldn't count on me using the atm on the exact day. I'm thinking of the brainstorming meeting in a conference room on this program and how to make it work with customers.
tg within, I am chewing on my fist after reading that!!!
zanelle, I was thinking of 2001 movie and Fahrenheit 451, but HER is the exact movie of today that resonates with this. I actually liked the movie and got it. It did creep me out and I think the ending was a bit of a copout. I'm thinking the atm will get jealous now to discover I am seeing other atms!!! but, hey, it is cheating on me with other humans!!! Last time I went to that ATM at DR it was outta money. How should I interpret that rejection and abandonment. Maybe next time it'll play the music to "What's Love Got To Do With It" or "She Works Hard for the Money" or "Money Makes the World Go Around"!!!
Gary, nice segway -- my comment to zanelle to your comment. I'm thinking some generous gratuitous deposits would serve me far better than flowers. A graphic of balloons -- why not some greens sliding out of that lower slot unsubtracted from my account????
jon, it is getting harder and harder to do satire when reality is so surreal!!! eh???
Daniel, thanks for the good will! :-) Yes, I felt a machine was trying to seduce me! I'm not that easy!
PW, bday was lovely! still celebrating with humans. ty!
onl, wow. hooker , excuse me, call girl spam. yipes tripled.
mumble, you mean wished her that across the google screen, like instead of google, happy birthday fill in your sis's name? I hope she had multiple o's in her name. (sorry, only thing I could think of to try to be funny here!) :-)
thanks, guys and gals, for your helping me process my a-t-m (acknowledging TOO much) scare!!!
best, libby
Don't let your guard down. Keep your eyes open for Google Street Views of your place with the curtains open. R.
Good ____of ___ invented those.
They should be called Automatic Telepathic Machines.
They should be called Automatic Telepathic Machines.
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