Here are some more random quotes from skimming another from my stockpile of psychology books I am about to donate:
The Betrayal Bond by Patrick J. Carnes, PhD
Abandonment is at the core of addictions.
Little acts of degradation, manipulation, secrecy and shame on a daily basis take their toll. Trauma by accumulation ...
The alarm state induced by trauma becomes the gateway to many forms of addictive arousal.
Compulsive eating, watching mind-numbing tv ... comforts and helps avoid reality.
Shame represents a fundamental break in trust.
Chasing down pseudo-intimacy -- repetition compulsion, re-enactment of early trauma.
The abused can become addictive to abuse.
Stockholm syndrome bonds can be very durable. Original Stockholm bank robbery: two of the hostage-taking bank robbers after getting out after 10 years of prison married two of the woman hostages from the bank. They had a double ceremony in which many of the fellow hostages attended.
Seduction is high warmth with low intention.
Starting point for all survivors of trauma is a complete acceptance of the betrayal.
High intensity can be mistaken for intimacy.
Intimacy relies on safety and patience.
Intensity is like styrofoam. It takes up space but has no substance.
People are more sexually attractive to us when we associate them with danger.
Fear deepens bonding.
Jim Jones terrorized over 900 people of his People's Temple. Jones was paranoid and megalomaniacal.
When Congressman Ryan attempted to rescue the people of Jonestown they killed him. In Stockholm the hostages were abusive to and critical of their rescuers. The victim allies with the perpetrator in the hope of acceptance.
Boundary failure and magic thinking that things will change keeps one stuck in a trauma bond.
Anna Freud coined the expression “identification with the aggressor.”
“Learned helplessness” is a symptom of trauma.
Stuck anger can be a type of "negative intimacy" in a trauma bond.
Scott Peck said that mental health is dedication to reality at all costs.
"Pathological giving" can be a symptom of trauma.
It is insane to help someone exploit you.
Turmoil prevents success.
Trauma bonds can be disrupted when healthy bonds are available.
Principle problem trauma victims have is reactivity.
Hyperarousal alternates with numbness following varieties of trauma.
Survivors of terror react in extremes -- extreme over-reaction or extreme under-reaction.
Self-neglect causes relapse in recovery.
The abuser becomes shameless. The abused becomes shame-based. Shame is no longer a tool for appropriate action but a prison. A trauma victim can lose autonomy to shame.
If someone does not respect your boundaries you will have to leave.
You must embrace the pain and experience the loss. That is your hope of survival.
The fear of being alone is compensated by having a relationship with yourself.
All intimacy has some struggle to it.
Your life is up to you. Take charge of it or someone else will.
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Commenter, i deleted your comments because you requested it but was sorry to.
I don't know what i am up to, actually. The first time I did this listing of insights I found it was easier and more inspiring for me to respond to the random quotes in the comments thread relating to what commenters were saying after having a bit of time for me myself to respond to the listing.
The books were just random.
On this listing what startled me was that comment on the ferocity of the Stockholm Syndrome and the actual marriages of two of the hostages with two of the hostage takers!
I really like the statements about how healthy bonds can help one get released from the trauma bonds and also how a relationship with oneself is certainly substantive compensation for the loneliness of detachment from a toxic relationship or a toxic orbit of relationships.
best, libby
I don't know what i am up to, actually. The first time I did this listing of insights I found it was easier and more inspiring for me to respond to the random quotes in the comments thread relating to what commenters were saying after having a bit of time for me myself to respond to the listing.
The books were just random.
On this listing what startled me was that comment on the ferocity of the Stockholm Syndrome and the actual marriages of two of the hostages with two of the hostage takers!
I really like the statements about how healthy bonds can help one get released from the trauma bonds and also how a relationship with oneself is certainly substantive compensation for the loneliness of detachment from a toxic relationship or a toxic orbit of relationships.
best, libby
"It is insane to help someone exploit you."
Isn't it
-R-
Isn't it
-R-
Libby, fascinating phrases that have implications on a personal and global basis. "The abuser becomes shameless."--that appears to relate to a lot of posts about current events! Thanks for a second post about these!
It might be insane to help someone exploit you but it also seems to be normal for some people regrettably.
"...Little acts of degradation, manipulation, secrecy and shame on a daily basis take their toll. Trauma by accumulation ..." Something to keep in mind as we all go about our daily lives. R&R ;-)
Well libby, I’venever had occasion to seek out material like this now, I suppose, the curiosity. So thanks for a bite-sized sampling.
The very first one “Abandonment is at the core of addictions”. I’ve never thought of it like that as I supposed addiction had myriad causes. But maybe there’s something to it.
I’m sure the Stockholm Syndrome is quite real but I didn’t know that two of the hostages marrying two of their captors. I wonder if they lasted. With Jonestown my memory is a bit different. I thought that Jones had a couple of his inner circle chase down and murder Ryan and his party.
“People are more sexually attractive to us when we associate them with danger.” I wonder if that’s more true of women than men. It would explain the bad boy syndrome. But given that on the whole men are more dangerous to women than vice versa, I guess it’s bound to be more true of women. In my own experience I had one femme fatale entanglement and she was very attractive. But so was one other who was very sweet and good natured.
“Your life is up to you. Take charge of it or someone else will.” Words to live by.
The very first one “Abandonment is at the core of addictions”. I’ve never thought of it like that as I supposed addiction had myriad causes. But maybe there’s something to it.
I’m sure the Stockholm Syndrome is quite real but I didn’t know that two of the hostages marrying two of their captors. I wonder if they lasted. With Jonestown my memory is a bit different. I thought that Jones had a couple of his inner circle chase down and murder Ryan and his party.
“People are more sexually attractive to us when we associate them with danger.” I wonder if that’s more true of women than men. It would explain the bad boy syndrome. But given that on the whole men are more dangerous to women than vice versa, I guess it’s bound to be more true of women. In my own experience I had one femme fatale entanglement and she was very attractive. But so was one other who was very sweet and good natured.
“Your life is up to you. Take charge of it or someone else will.” Words to live by.
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