Well, it's summer again -- swimsuit season. An opportunity to ramp up my body-image self-hate. To "once again" "finally” try to do something serious about my perpetual resolution to lose weight.
Recently I picked up a copy of a book by Geneen Roth entitled “Women Food and God.” I am halfway through but have been jotting down affirmations and insights that seriously inspire me.
I decided to share them with any open salon compatriots who may be going through similar body/overeating challenges. Geneen Roth comes from the "it's not what you are eating, it's what is eating you"/"spiritual food for spiritual hunger"/"pulling at the emotional roots" school of overeating recovery.
Quotes from “Women Food and God” by Geneen Roth, Part I
“... our relationship with food is a microcosm of our relationship to life itself.”
“... there are frozen places in ourselves -- that need to be recognized and welcomed, so that we can touch that which has never been hurt or wounded or hungry.”
[Nell re her mother] “‘She was so depressed. And if I were just myself, that was too much for her. I needed to shut down the bigness -- I needed to be as broken as she was -- otherwise she would reject me and that was unacceptable” ...
“... the need to be broken” ... “if they keep themselves wounded and damaged they will be loved.”
“... when the suffering is fully allowed, it is dissolved.”
“My closet was stuffed with eight different sizes of pants, dresses and blouses. Crazed with self-loathing and shame, I vacillated between wanting to destroy myself and wanting to fix myself with the next best promise of losing thirty pounds in thirty days.”
“... understanding the relationship with food is a direct path to coming home after a lifetime of being exiled.”
“The constant war with food and body size is important if they want to be loved. They are like Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the mountain and almost getting there but never actually arriving.”
“...fixing ourselves is not the same as being ourselves.”
“Compulsive eating is an attempt to avoid the absence (of love, comfort, knowing what to do) ...”
“But when we open what we most want to avoid, we evoke that in us which is not a story, not caught in the past, not some old image of ourselves. We evoke divinity itself. And in doing so, we can hold emptiness, old hurts, fear in our cupped hands and behold our missing hearts.”
“... compulsive eating ... is a way we leave ourselves when life gets hard.”
“No matter what we weigh ... compulsive eaters have anorexia of the soul. ... We live lives of deprivation.”
“Obsession gives you something to do besides having your heart shattered by heart-shattering events.” “In the drama of obsession you are the star, the costar, the director and the producer.”
“... the pain we are avoiding has already happened. We are living in reverse.”
“I shut myself down or walk out the door when pain threatens to destroy me -- which is in any situation that involves another human being or whose outcome I cannot control. I live an autistic existence.”
“I’ve been miserable in a field of a thousand sunflowers in southern France in mid-June. I’ve been miserable weighing 80 pounds and wearing a size 0. I’ve been happing wearing a size 18. Happy sitting with my dying father. Happy being a switchboard operator.”
“I inhabited my misery as if it were a well-worn coat. Because I could. Because I knew how. Because it had kept me company during the early years."
“... I’ve never met anyone -- not one person -- for whom warring with their bodies led to long-lasting change, we continue to believe that with a little more self-disgust, we’ll prevail.”
“Truth, not force, does the work of compulsive eating.” “Awareness, not deprivation, informs what you eat.” “Presence, not shame,’ changes how you see yourself and what you rely on.”
“When you believe in yourself more than you believe in food you will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart.”
“...to reteach ourselves our loveliness.”
Libby, your title says it all, i trully loved this work, so insightful, needed and meaningful.
"“...fixing ourselves is not the same as being ourselves.”'' So true.
Some times I think that when I am not eating, I am doing something good with my life, cause I am loosing weight and have my self healthy. But, I have many times in my life, when eating was the most important action I had for days. I am certain, that in my case food has to do with the soul, and I know that some monks have the absence of food as a way of strengthening of mind and soul. Rated, with thank you, many, many thank you!!!!
"“...fixing ourselves is not the same as being ourselves.”'' So true.
Some times I think that when I am not eating, I am doing something good with my life, cause I am loosing weight and have my self healthy. But, I have many times in my life, when eating was the most important action I had for days. I am certain, that in my case food has to do with the soul, and I know that some monks have the absence of food as a way of strengthening of mind and soul. Rated, with thank you, many, many thank you!!!!
Libby, believe it or not, based on the family history you describe, I think your problem may be physiological, rather than psychological. I think you may suffer from insulin resistance. I have a similar family history and used to have major problems with my weight until I figured it out. It's also known as syndrome X - here's a link: http://www.heartlandnaturopathic.com/irdiet.htm
This is one of the newly discovered "epigenetic" disorders. It's caused by really high stress hormone levels in the mother during pregnancy - and possibly by high stress in the household during the first three years of life. When the fetus is continuously exposed to high cortisol and high epinephrine levels it causes the protein cascades linked to insulin function to be set incorrectly. Once they are set, the problem is lifelong - it can't be changed.
It's very common for women with this condition to gain weight if they eat more than 800 calories a day - and also to suffer from incapacitating blood sugar drops when they eat large carbohydrate meals.
I finally found a diet five years ago that allowed me to return and maintain my high school weight. In my mind the three more important aspects of the diet are Vitamin D supplements (1,000 IU in summer and 2,000 in winter), omega 3 supplements (they help stabilize your blood sugar) and a really high protein meal for breakfast. I find by starting the day out that way, I have no interest whatsoever in eating sweets or bread - I literally crave fresh vegetables.
Have a look at the link - it has more details about the diet.
I did a post about the epigenetic causes of obesity (with a diagram) back in Dec 2010: http://open.salon.com/blog/stuartbramhall/2010/12/11/economic_causes_of_obesity
This is one of the newly discovered "epigenetic" disorders. It's caused by really high stress hormone levels in the mother during pregnancy - and possibly by high stress in the household during the first three years of life. When the fetus is continuously exposed to high cortisol and high epinephrine levels it causes the protein cascades linked to insulin function to be set incorrectly. Once they are set, the problem is lifelong - it can't be changed.
It's very common for women with this condition to gain weight if they eat more than 800 calories a day - and also to suffer from incapacitating blood sugar drops when they eat large carbohydrate meals.
I finally found a diet five years ago that allowed me to return and maintain my high school weight. In my mind the three more important aspects of the diet are Vitamin D supplements (1,000 IU in summer and 2,000 in winter), omega 3 supplements (they help stabilize your blood sugar) and a really high protein meal for breakfast. I find by starting the day out that way, I have no interest whatsoever in eating sweets or bread - I literally crave fresh vegetables.
Have a look at the link - it has more details about the diet.
I did a post about the epigenetic causes of obesity (with a diagram) back in Dec 2010: http://open.salon.com/blog/stuartbramhall/2010/12/11/economic_causes_of_obesity
Libby
I'm about 40 lbs overweight, and was, last week, barely able to move for joint ache.
Food was a constant, out of boredom, and never feeling full.
Sunday, I found that I had been volunteered to lead "The Tribe of Dan" ( 7 boys, age 3 to 6) and 3 girls age 9 to 12) in Vacation Bible school. from 5 to 9 sun to Friday
Upshot is that the 4 hours that I am in charge ( with the help of the 3 elder girls, who are my sheepdogs) of keeping the younger ones from running off, ,killing each other, or eating the church piece by piece, keep me too busy to worry about eating or feeling empty.
I come home exhausted and crash until it's time to go back again
I barely remember to eat anything at all- and then very little. No time to eat out of loneliness or boredom.
being a volunteer with kids is one of the best cures out there for "depression/feeling of lack of fullness" It burns off the overweight body and nourishes the anorexic soul. - I expect to lose 10 to 15 lbs, if it doesn't actually kill me outright.
I'm about 40 lbs overweight, and was, last week, barely able to move for joint ache.
Food was a constant, out of boredom, and never feeling full.
Sunday, I found that I had been volunteered to lead "The Tribe of Dan" ( 7 boys, age 3 to 6) and 3 girls age 9 to 12) in Vacation Bible school. from 5 to 9 sun to Friday
Upshot is that the 4 hours that I am in charge ( with the help of the 3 elder girls, who are my sheepdogs) of keeping the younger ones from running off, ,killing each other, or eating the church piece by piece, keep me too busy to worry about eating or feeling empty.
I come home exhausted and crash until it's time to go back again
I barely remember to eat anything at all- and then very little. No time to eat out of loneliness or boredom.
being a volunteer with kids is one of the best cures out there for "depression/feeling of lack of fullness" It burns off the overweight body and nourishes the anorexic soul. - I expect to lose 10 to 15 lbs, if it doesn't actually kill me outright.
You are not your weight.
That said, if you're dangerously overweight, you need to do something about it.
I was dangerously overweight and joined a gym on New Year's Eve. Haven't lost much weight -- about 6 pounds, but it stays off and I've lost more than 10 inches (4 from my waist!) and dropped a dress size. My Body Fat ratio is getting near normal.
That said, if you're dangerously overweight, you need to do something about it.
I was dangerously overweight and joined a gym on New Year's Eve. Haven't lost much weight -- about 6 pounds, but it stays off and I've lost more than 10 inches (4 from my waist!) and dropped a dress size. My Body Fat ratio is getting near normal.
I'm going to comment when I get to a real computer. I can relate to all of it. Thanks for the information.
Taking positive steps to be healthy. Body and mind. Good luck Libby!
A stupid reality show was on yesterday and I was struck by a strange (to me) exchange between a woman and her date. She was all critical of his choice of chicken pot pie for dinner and even more judgemental whe he asked if she would like to split it. She was positively shaking with anxiety over the calories and how many more reps she'd need to do the next day at the gym and was he WORTH the extra effort. (!!!!)
Appalling and sad. My affirmation? Eat the pot pie and smile!
Appalling and sad. My affirmation? Eat the pot pie and smile!
Fascinating psychological approach to self discipline, merging it with self-love.
Libby, I was anorexic from age 17 to 21; it gave me a great sense of self-control and mastery, if you will. Deep down, I despised myself too. Women are continually taught to hate their bodies, and I think it has only gotten worse over time. What role models do little girls have today? Pop stars who dress like hookers, movie stars and celebrities always being judged on their physical appearance. The cycle must be broken.
Libby, I was anorexic from age 17 to 21; it gave me a great sense of self-control and mastery, if you will. Deep down, I despised myself too. Women are continually taught to hate their bodies, and I think it has only gotten worse over time. What role models do little girls have today? Pop stars who dress like hookers, movie stars and celebrities always being judged on their physical appearance. The cycle must be broken.
God's sense of humor? Why is it this particular blog of mine, whereupon I come out of the cyber closet admitting to being overweight, the one that has to make the tippity top rating list???? HAH! I thought I could just tuck this one in somewhere for a few eyes only.
My vanity and shame are at least getting some exercise and hopefully some "exorcise" (is that a word?) let's hope. One of Bleue's favorite slogans, "We're as sick as our secrets!" I will use that as a comfort.
But it is a priority with me to seriously slim down and tone up (please can I work at becoming a "boomer babe"? help myself deal with this aging business), and they say "energy follows attention" so I want to apply it here and make use of the generous support and explorations with my fellow and sister open saloners.
The quotes above touch home for me.
I know that way back when when I was much thinner and younger, I look at old pictures of me from then and I remember how much disdain I felt for my body EVEN THEN!!! That irrational perfectionism of a wounded self-esteem, assuredly.
What would have been satisfactory to me then or even now? What size? Except for what's her name, Samantha, on Sex in the City, I've never heard a woman speak proudly and confidently about her body and her looks (and that show is written by a gay man, correct?). Why, it's almost un-American-womanly to take such a stance of appreciation and pride in one's body. (Although Dr. Oz among others is earnestly trying to save us from ourselves.)
Valerie Bertellini doing a recent commercial pitching her particular weight loss program talked about her days of being an "urban hermit" hiding her imperfect body from onlookers and it was really touching .
The body obsession does get passed along through the generations. I remember hearing about one little girl who had become so obsessed with her looks that in third grade she refused to leave her house without makeup. WITHOUT MAKEUP??? That "mask" was necessary for her, a kind of superstitious bid for a sense of psychological groundedness. I remember when I first got contact lenses I over-wore them making my eyes attractively (not) red because I was so self-conscious of how I looked in glasses.
Nowadays, I realize in my chronic state of more serious overweight I convince myself on a day to day basis I will certainly drop the weight any minute or month now (hah!). (I too have a closet full of assorted sizes optimistically assuming I will enjoy the smaller ones at some point).
I sometimes manage to drop down to a certain level when I begin to get encouraging feedback of noticers but then ultimately I derail and regain. Sigh.
So many of the notes from Roth resonate, and I suspect the misery re life and weight in particular has become like a comfortable old coat -- that familiar thinking pattern of perfectionism and procrastination and FEAR. What do they say? The 3 Ps! Perfectionism leads to Procrastination leads to PARALYSIS. The lousy self-image keeps me SAFELY stuck and hanging back from taking risks of varying degrees. Mananaville is where I live a lot of the time. When I lose weight, then I will do such and such. yadda yadda yadda!!! Or I think they call it CONTINGENCY MANANA! As soon as I do x, then I will get to y.
The weight is a symptom of unfinished emotional business I know. Food was love in my family. Food was more unconditionally served up than approval and acceptance. Food was something to celebrate with, numb out with, treat oneself with.
I remember a quote I heard once in a 12 step OA meeting, "eat for sustenance, not oblivion!" Men in my family ancestry reached for alcohol to numb their pain, the women reached for food.
Okay, with that said, going to address some of the comments!
Thanks!!! :-) best, libby
My vanity and shame are at least getting some exercise and hopefully some "exorcise" (is that a word?) let's hope. One of Bleue's favorite slogans, "We're as sick as our secrets!" I will use that as a comfort.
But it is a priority with me to seriously slim down and tone up (please can I work at becoming a "boomer babe"? help myself deal with this aging business), and they say "energy follows attention" so I want to apply it here and make use of the generous support and explorations with my fellow and sister open saloners.
The quotes above touch home for me.
I know that way back when when I was much thinner and younger, I look at old pictures of me from then and I remember how much disdain I felt for my body EVEN THEN!!! That irrational perfectionism of a wounded self-esteem, assuredly.
What would have been satisfactory to me then or even now? What size? Except for what's her name, Samantha, on Sex in the City, I've never heard a woman speak proudly and confidently about her body and her looks (and that show is written by a gay man, correct?). Why, it's almost un-American-womanly to take such a stance of appreciation and pride in one's body. (Although Dr. Oz among others is earnestly trying to save us from ourselves.)
Valerie Bertellini doing a recent commercial pitching her particular weight loss program talked about her days of being an "urban hermit" hiding her imperfect body from onlookers and it was really touching .
The body obsession does get passed along through the generations. I remember hearing about one little girl who had become so obsessed with her looks that in third grade she refused to leave her house without makeup. WITHOUT MAKEUP??? That "mask" was necessary for her, a kind of superstitious bid for a sense of psychological groundedness. I remember when I first got contact lenses I over-wore them making my eyes attractively (not) red because I was so self-conscious of how I looked in glasses.
Nowadays, I realize in my chronic state of more serious overweight I convince myself on a day to day basis I will certainly drop the weight any minute or month now (hah!). (I too have a closet full of assorted sizes optimistically assuming I will enjoy the smaller ones at some point).
I sometimes manage to drop down to a certain level when I begin to get encouraging feedback of noticers but then ultimately I derail and regain. Sigh.
So many of the notes from Roth resonate, and I suspect the misery re life and weight in particular has become like a comfortable old coat -- that familiar thinking pattern of perfectionism and procrastination and FEAR. What do they say? The 3 Ps! Perfectionism leads to Procrastination leads to PARALYSIS. The lousy self-image keeps me SAFELY stuck and hanging back from taking risks of varying degrees. Mananaville is where I live a lot of the time. When I lose weight, then I will do such and such. yadda yadda yadda!!! Or I think they call it CONTINGENCY MANANA! As soon as I do x, then I will get to y.
The weight is a symptom of unfinished emotional business I know. Food was love in my family. Food was more unconditionally served up than approval and acceptance. Food was something to celebrate with, numb out with, treat oneself with.
I remember a quote I heard once in a 12 step OA meeting, "eat for sustenance, not oblivion!" Men in my family ancestry reached for alcohol to numb their pain, the women reached for food.
Okay, with that said, going to address some of the comments!
Thanks!!! :-) best, libby
oops. speaking of procrastination, I am going to have to come back to address further comments. it is later than I realized and IRL calling but I will be back soon enuf! appreciate so much what has been said as I skim down!!! thanks!!
The only thing I ever understood about this was the eat less and exercise more part of the issue. when it got more complicated I lost track; when Valerie Bertonelli got paid to do commercials along with the others I stopped trusting her along with the others.
Best of luck.
Best of luck.
STAATHI, I am so glad you, too, related to this! One's relationship with food and the body is a precious one, but apparently with some a complicated one.
I don't want to live in deprivation mode since I enjoy it and it is so much a necessary part of our lives, but I also don't want to use it and confuse it to try to quench a spiritual hunger.
The same with my body. I don't want to be obsessed with perfecting it and over-exercising it, but I do want to honor it by taking care of it, taking care of me. Not neglect that dimension of my life which I obviously have been.
I remember reading somewhere that we should bless our bodies and that maybe as a younger adult the "overeating" SAVED me by numbing off the charts stress ambushes in my life. That some of us from trauma may have had a psychotic break if we hadn't muffled the pain with overeating. So we should bless our bodies for being a kind of psychological buffer to save our sanity.
Thank our bodies, but it is not necessary any more to use the food and body for that but ongoing fear and habit have put us in a self-destructive living style re food and the body. Still living life with the emergency brake on, in first gear so to speak. Heavily and lumberingly.
Also, I know sexual anxiety, repression, has to do with the body and eating.
Also, stifling emotional energy such as anger.
"Stifling" is the word which is a sad one but the "good girl" perfectionism and role expectation of my childhood in the 50s along with the role I carried in my particular troubled family and my mother's confused attitudes and messaging seriously went into my own hardwiring.
Feeling gratuitous shame came with the territory. Not exercising pride and dignity in certain areas was a part of it. Not being as vital and awake as Roth says above was easier on the family "mobile" -- not to shake it up. Necrophilic system that was over-stressed, borderline family control, not a biophilic one that could handle serious vitality of the children, that we were expected to sacrifice or invoke scary blowback if we did not, because of the over-stress and profound unhappiness of one's parents.
There is a writer named Marion Woodman who wrote a serious string of books about women and mothers and food and body. I think I may check them out again.
STAATHI, thanks for your comment and support. Mean a lot!!!
best, libby
xxx
I don't want to live in deprivation mode since I enjoy it and it is so much a necessary part of our lives, but I also don't want to use it and confuse it to try to quench a spiritual hunger.
The same with my body. I don't want to be obsessed with perfecting it and over-exercising it, but I do want to honor it by taking care of it, taking care of me. Not neglect that dimension of my life which I obviously have been.
I remember reading somewhere that we should bless our bodies and that maybe as a younger adult the "overeating" SAVED me by numbing off the charts stress ambushes in my life. That some of us from trauma may have had a psychotic break if we hadn't muffled the pain with overeating. So we should bless our bodies for being a kind of psychological buffer to save our sanity.
Thank our bodies, but it is not necessary any more to use the food and body for that but ongoing fear and habit have put us in a self-destructive living style re food and the body. Still living life with the emergency brake on, in first gear so to speak. Heavily and lumberingly.
Also, I know sexual anxiety, repression, has to do with the body and eating.
Also, stifling emotional energy such as anger.
"Stifling" is the word which is a sad one but the "good girl" perfectionism and role expectation of my childhood in the 50s along with the role I carried in my particular troubled family and my mother's confused attitudes and messaging seriously went into my own hardwiring.
Feeling gratuitous shame came with the territory. Not exercising pride and dignity in certain areas was a part of it. Not being as vital and awake as Roth says above was easier on the family "mobile" -- not to shake it up. Necrophilic system that was over-stressed, borderline family control, not a biophilic one that could handle serious vitality of the children, that we were expected to sacrifice or invoke scary blowback if we did not, because of the over-stress and profound unhappiness of one's parents.
There is a writer named Marion Woodman who wrote a serious string of books about women and mothers and food and body. I think I may check them out again.
STAATHI, thanks for your comment and support. Mean a lot!!!
best, libby
xxx
Stuart, I can't thank you enuf!!!
thanks for this possibility re physiological rather than psychological reasons for weight gain or inability to seriously shed it.
I have known about cortisol for a long time and attribute it to the thickness of my waist relatively speaking even back when I was slim. I know it is generated under sustained stress and that that abdominal fat is quite dangerous for the body.
The only time I had it go away around my waist significantly was years ago when I joined a dojo and took self-defense and karate for maybe half a year. It was like boot camp. Not many women and I trained like hell to keep up. I was startled to see that my waist actually could get leaner. But eventually I let go of such an athletic regime.
The insulin resistance stuff is interesting. My mother was a stoic about not eating. Was always on a diet and was always it seemed on a plateau. I never knew if she were covertly eating or there was something cruelly stubborn about her body that wouldn't release her weight. I was such a highly anxious codependent I think that hyperness kept me slim and then when I detached more, eventually dramatically, and tried to become less a codependent ironically the weight incrementally sneaked on. A lot of grief and frustration came when I became more assertive with the family. The price was high in isolation.
Also, when I switched to working nights I stopped walking home from work (I hate rush hour subways -- refer back to my musical chairs poem ... kind of like that for adults -- busy subways). Anyway, working late I got a car service home in wee hours of morning so there went some constant and serious exercise (like over a one hour walk each workday!) I need to start walking at least seriously part way to work again. Make that a habit! Usually I intend to but then get carried away blogging or even watching one more L&O (sigh ... I need to do a tv diet sometimes).
I checked out the link. VERY interesting and helpful and I will give it a go.
From what I gleaned from it:
-- to curb my hunger I am to ramp up my intake of non-starchy veggies, nuts, fats and protein during my meals. Fatty foods should be limited. No hydrogenated or fried foods.
-- Focus on eating for hunger and not emotional reasons. (I think I may go back to keeping a food diary.) It says if you are eating for emotional reasons reach for the veggies and the proteins and not the starches.
-- OH DEAR. "PROBLEM CARBOHYDRATES (refined and starchy) The cause of the problem! No potatoes or simple sugars/carbohydrates (common table sugar, fructose, sweets, cookies, candy, ice cream, pastries, honey, fruit juice, soda pop, alcoholic beverages, etc.). Anything that tastes sweet (including artificial sweeteners and Stevia) may raise insulin levels, thus aggravating IR and perpetuating the cravings for sweets. As IR improves, sweet cravings usually decrease."
GULP!!!
So goodbye to diet soda. I have heard this before! Lately I have been hitting that more heavily along with artificially sweetened iced tea.
Now, Stuart, the following is going to be hard to give up but apparently this is what is triggering a lot of the problem. They advise: "Almost no grain products (breads, pasta, cornbread, corn tortillas, crackers, popcorn, etc.) and no refined grains/carbohydrates (white flour products, white pasta, white rice, etc.)."
Ouch! Not even whole grain pasta?
"GOOD CARBOHYDRATES (non-refined and non-starchy) Small amounts of fruit are OK but eat it with protein meals and not alone. Berries are best. No dried fruit." Wow, fruit is a biggie with me. But I appreciate the insulin triggering thing. To be eaten with a protein.
"Eat lots and lots of non-starchy vegetables. Raw or lightly cooked is best. These should be the main source of carbohydrates in the diet. Fresh vegetables are best, frozen is OK but canned is to be avoided except for canned tomatoes and tomato sauce."
But what do I put the tomato sauce on? Sigh.
"Legumes (beans, peas, peanuts, soybeans, soy products, etc.) have a low glycemic index so are OK."
I love protein and that seems doable for me. Dairy it advises not to drink lowfat milk but whole milk ironically, but to keep that intake low. Interesting.
Use only unsweetened yogurt. Limit butter and no hydrogenated margarine. (Now, lowfat artificially sweetened yogurt is a part of my meal plan. Will be hard to let go of them, but if it plays with the insulin thing, once again, I will try)
It says eggs are fine but no more than 7 a week because of their fat content your link says. (Lately I have been turning to hard boiled eggs as a quick protein snack.)
Nuts are good. Veggies! LOTS AND LOTS OF VEGGIES. Water! Water! Water! Exercise!
I appreciated this passage:
"This is one of the newly discovered "epigenetic" disorders. It's caused by really high stress hormone levels in the mother during pregnancy - and possibly by high stress in the household during the first three years of life. When the fetus is continuously exposed to high cortisol and high epinephrine levels it causes the protein cascades linked to insulin function to be set incorrectly. Once they are set, the problem is lifelong - it can't be changed."
That is truly sobering and kind of sad! I have also throughout my life experienced those low sugar blood drops. Like having a frying pan hit me over the head if I get too hungry. The link encourages eating more often and smaller meals.
You also recommend Vitamin D (which I take but maybe should ramp up since I work nights and sometimes sleep through part of the day's sunshine), omega 3 (I take fish oil tabs -- is that enuf?), and a high protein breakfast!
Lately I have been craving and eating more pasta and bread -- comfort food. I also like cereal. Grainy healthy cereals I presume will be okay on this.
My family's lower middle class economic status coincides with what you were saying on your helpful blog from Dec 2010. My parents coming out of the Great Depression and that kind of anxiety generated about getting enough to eat and having food as exceptionally considered security.
TALK ABOUT MUCH FOOD FOR THOUGHT and SOME SERIOUS IDEAS TO EXPLORE! It won't be easy but this has given me insight and motivation. I must rewrite my meal plans with all these things in mind. Sigh.
Thanks, Stuart. You gifted me with this. I will explore more. I will also share this with my siblings! One other struggles with weight, too.
best, libby
xxx
thanks for this possibility re physiological rather than psychological reasons for weight gain or inability to seriously shed it.
I have known about cortisol for a long time and attribute it to the thickness of my waist relatively speaking even back when I was slim. I know it is generated under sustained stress and that that abdominal fat is quite dangerous for the body.
The only time I had it go away around my waist significantly was years ago when I joined a dojo and took self-defense and karate for maybe half a year. It was like boot camp. Not many women and I trained like hell to keep up. I was startled to see that my waist actually could get leaner. But eventually I let go of such an athletic regime.
The insulin resistance stuff is interesting. My mother was a stoic about not eating. Was always on a diet and was always it seemed on a plateau. I never knew if she were covertly eating or there was something cruelly stubborn about her body that wouldn't release her weight. I was such a highly anxious codependent I think that hyperness kept me slim and then when I detached more, eventually dramatically, and tried to become less a codependent ironically the weight incrementally sneaked on. A lot of grief and frustration came when I became more assertive with the family. The price was high in isolation.
Also, when I switched to working nights I stopped walking home from work (I hate rush hour subways -- refer back to my musical chairs poem ... kind of like that for adults -- busy subways). Anyway, working late I got a car service home in wee hours of morning so there went some constant and serious exercise (like over a one hour walk each workday!) I need to start walking at least seriously part way to work again. Make that a habit! Usually I intend to but then get carried away blogging or even watching one more L&O (sigh ... I need to do a tv diet sometimes).
I checked out the link. VERY interesting and helpful and I will give it a go.
From what I gleaned from it:
-- to curb my hunger I am to ramp up my intake of non-starchy veggies, nuts, fats and protein during my meals. Fatty foods should be limited. No hydrogenated or fried foods.
-- Focus on eating for hunger and not emotional reasons. (I think I may go back to keeping a food diary.) It says if you are eating for emotional reasons reach for the veggies and the proteins and not the starches.
-- OH DEAR. "PROBLEM CARBOHYDRATES (refined and starchy) The cause of the problem! No potatoes or simple sugars/carbohydrates (common table sugar, fructose, sweets, cookies, candy, ice cream, pastries, honey, fruit juice, soda pop, alcoholic beverages, etc.). Anything that tastes sweet (including artificial sweeteners and Stevia) may raise insulin levels, thus aggravating IR and perpetuating the cravings for sweets. As IR improves, sweet cravings usually decrease."
GULP!!!
So goodbye to diet soda. I have heard this before! Lately I have been hitting that more heavily along with artificially sweetened iced tea.
Now, Stuart, the following is going to be hard to give up but apparently this is what is triggering a lot of the problem. They advise: "Almost no grain products (breads, pasta, cornbread, corn tortillas, crackers, popcorn, etc.) and no refined grains/carbohydrates (white flour products, white pasta, white rice, etc.)."
Ouch! Not even whole grain pasta?
"GOOD CARBOHYDRATES (non-refined and non-starchy) Small amounts of fruit are OK but eat it with protein meals and not alone. Berries are best. No dried fruit." Wow, fruit is a biggie with me. But I appreciate the insulin triggering thing. To be eaten with a protein.
"Eat lots and lots of non-starchy vegetables. Raw or lightly cooked is best. These should be the main source of carbohydrates in the diet. Fresh vegetables are best, frozen is OK but canned is to be avoided except for canned tomatoes and tomato sauce."
But what do I put the tomato sauce on? Sigh.
"Legumes (beans, peas, peanuts, soybeans, soy products, etc.) have a low glycemic index so are OK."
I love protein and that seems doable for me. Dairy it advises not to drink lowfat milk but whole milk ironically, but to keep that intake low. Interesting.
Use only unsweetened yogurt. Limit butter and no hydrogenated margarine. (Now, lowfat artificially sweetened yogurt is a part of my meal plan. Will be hard to let go of them, but if it plays with the insulin thing, once again, I will try)
It says eggs are fine but no more than 7 a week because of their fat content your link says. (Lately I have been turning to hard boiled eggs as a quick protein snack.)
Nuts are good. Veggies! LOTS AND LOTS OF VEGGIES. Water! Water! Water! Exercise!
I appreciated this passage:
"This is one of the newly discovered "epigenetic" disorders. It's caused by really high stress hormone levels in the mother during pregnancy - and possibly by high stress in the household during the first three years of life. When the fetus is continuously exposed to high cortisol and high epinephrine levels it causes the protein cascades linked to insulin function to be set incorrectly. Once they are set, the problem is lifelong - it can't be changed."
That is truly sobering and kind of sad! I have also throughout my life experienced those low sugar blood drops. Like having a frying pan hit me over the head if I get too hungry. The link encourages eating more often and smaller meals.
You also recommend Vitamin D (which I take but maybe should ramp up since I work nights and sometimes sleep through part of the day's sunshine), omega 3 (I take fish oil tabs -- is that enuf?), and a high protein breakfast!
Lately I have been craving and eating more pasta and bread -- comfort food. I also like cereal. Grainy healthy cereals I presume will be okay on this.
My family's lower middle class economic status coincides with what you were saying on your helpful blog from Dec 2010. My parents coming out of the Great Depression and that kind of anxiety generated about getting enough to eat and having food as exceptionally considered security.
TALK ABOUT MUCH FOOD FOR THOUGHT and SOME SERIOUS IDEAS TO EXPLORE! It won't be easy but this has given me insight and motivation. I must rewrite my meal plans with all these things in mind. Sigh.
Thanks, Stuart. You gifted me with this. I will explore more. I will also share this with my siblings! One other struggles with weight, too.
best, libby
xxx
Rudy!!! Thanks for being so open and honest about your own situation! Yes, I don't want to deal with the huffing and puffing and the joint aches from weight! And am beginning to take note and feel the frustration.
Your volunteer work with kids sounds challenging to say the least. I have worked with kids all my life, first as a teacher then as a kind of counselor. The little ones and pre-teens are a handful, especially, and keep one going. in the past couple of years I let go of that. It was sooo rewarding. I agree.
I always wanted to do a traveling coping with life kind of workshop for teens, an experiment, and maybe will take it more seriously. One of those dreams that keeps getting postponed by me.
Keep me posted on this outlet for trimming yourself and assuredly feeding your soul spiritually! Good for you!!! I would like to re-connect with that kind of project again, too
Thanks again, my friend!
best, libby
Your volunteer work with kids sounds challenging to say the least. I have worked with kids all my life, first as a teacher then as a kind of counselor. The little ones and pre-teens are a handful, especially, and keep one going. in the past couple of years I let go of that. It was sooo rewarding. I agree.
I always wanted to do a traveling coping with life kind of workshop for teens, an experiment, and maybe will take it more seriously. One of those dreams that keeps getting postponed by me.
Keep me posted on this outlet for trimming yourself and assuredly feeding your soul spiritually! Good for you!!! I would like to re-connect with that kind of project again, too
Thanks again, my friend!
best, libby
V Corso!!! Thanks for the inspiration! I am tall and as the weight incrementally accumulated with me I got away with minimizing it, covering it up with layered clothing, etc, etc. for a long while.
But I need to face it now and not keep assuming I will automatically take it more seriously manana. Louise Hay says, "the point of power is always in the present moment."
Good for you re dropping dress size and healthy body index. 4 inches from waist is a big deal. And getting your metabolism going must be a mood enhancer, too!
We can check in with each other re progress!!!
I will consider the gym thing. Money is so tight, but this is so important.
But as you say, I am not my weight. And I don't want to be grim and go to war with my body.
Best, libby
But I need to face it now and not keep assuming I will automatically take it more seriously manana. Louise Hay says, "the point of power is always in the present moment."
Good for you re dropping dress size and healthy body index. 4 inches from waist is a big deal. And getting your metabolism going must be a mood enhancer, too!
We can check in with each other re progress!!!
I will consider the gym thing. Money is so tight, but this is so important.
But as you say, I am not my weight. And I don't want to be grim and go to war with my body.
Best, libby
just phyllis!!!! thanks for comment. looking forward to hearing from you!!! :-) best, libby
asia rain! Thank you so much for that. It means a lot. best, libby
Linnn, yes save us from the food Nazis!!! I don't want to use food as one more source to beat up on myself from. They say often that is why diets don't work. So much self-punishment and then a rebellious backlash of eating and re-gaining and gaining even more than one's original weight.
EASY DOES IT BUT DO IT, in changing one's life style. Mark Twain said with habits, you can't throw them out the window. You must take them by the hand, like a small child, and walk them slowly down the stairs to the door.
St. Francis said "Nothing to excess, including moderation." when the excess and perfectionistic moderation police come a calling, we should tell them that.
Yes, losing weight and transitioning require focus and attention, but to become as I say the Gestapo with yourself and also to share that with others, not so good!
thanks for commenting! best, libby
EASY DOES IT BUT DO IT, in changing one's life style. Mark Twain said with habits, you can't throw them out the window. You must take them by the hand, like a small child, and walk them slowly down the stairs to the door.
St. Francis said "Nothing to excess, including moderation." when the excess and perfectionistic moderation police come a calling, we should tell them that.
Yes, losing weight and transitioning require focus and attention, but to become as I say the Gestapo with yourself and also to share that with others, not so good!
thanks for commenting! best, libby
Thanks, Chicken Maaan. It really does resonate for me. Food as food vs. food as a drug and escape. Time to face down some reality. Also to realize the weight gain is a symptom of a problem not the problem. I need to address the roots not the symptom. Be willing to stay spiritually awake and braver emotionally! best, libby
Erica, thanks for sharing that!!! I have always had such a harsh body-image of myself. Even as I say when I was young and looking back at pictures seemed so SLIM! The tapes in my head said otherwise.
I am so glad you recovered from the anorexia, my friend!
What wisdom this is:
"Women are continually taught to hate their bodies, and I think it has only gotten worse over time. What role models do little girls have today? Pop stars who dress like hookers, movie stars and celebrities always being judged on their physical appearance. The cycle must be broken."
Well said! Yes, our generation(s) of women need to help ease younger women's (and younger men's) self-treatment re their bodies -- treating their bodies as like what I read once "a roommate they just don't like!" A manifestation of perfectionism and low self esteem fostered by a non-empathetic, more "shallow values" society! STYLE OVER SUBSTANCE! Media holds a lot of the responsibility as well as attitudes of the older women and men, too, in their lives along with competitive peer pressure.
Thanks for honesty and your wisdom on this.
best, libby
I am so glad you recovered from the anorexia, my friend!
What wisdom this is:
"Women are continually taught to hate their bodies, and I think it has only gotten worse over time. What role models do little girls have today? Pop stars who dress like hookers, movie stars and celebrities always being judged on their physical appearance. The cycle must be broken."
Well said! Yes, our generation(s) of women need to help ease younger women's (and younger men's) self-treatment re their bodies -- treating their bodies as like what I read once "a roommate they just don't like!" A manifestation of perfectionism and low self esteem fostered by a non-empathetic, more "shallow values" society! STYLE OVER SUBSTANCE! Media holds a lot of the responsibility as well as attitudes of the older women and men, too, in their lives along with competitive peer pressure.
Thanks for honesty and your wisdom on this.
best, libby
Zack, thanks for commenting. Yes the weight loss industry in this country probably adds much to the obesity epidemic, ironically!!! Trust us for a quick fix!!!
Certainly not going for the emotional roots as Roth is going for in the excerpts above. Yes, self-discipline needs to be applied I agree. But also self-empathy and the willingness to explore and accept and deal with how feelings and the fear of feelings are impacting one's life style for the negative.
best, libby
Certainly not going for the emotional roots as Roth is going for in the excerpts above. Yes, self-discipline needs to be applied I agree. But also self-empathy and the willingness to explore and accept and deal with how feelings and the fear of feelings are impacting one's life style for the negative.
best, libby
I lived most of my adult life weighing between 165 and 185 pounds, then at the age of 36 I quit smoking and gained 6 pounds a year over the next 7 years. I bounced up and down from 200 to 250 averaging 235 until a bit over two years ago when I developed type II diabetes. With little or know appetite I no longer enjoy eating, because I can barely taste anything. I eat to control my blood sugar levels and take my medications... I've lost over fifty pounds in two years and I'm back down to 180, but I very much miss the taste and enjoyment of good food.
When my doctor said my BP and cholesterol were too high- I had no intention of taking drugs for that . She said dropping 20 pounds would probably do the trick, so I embarked on a major change.
What I've found works for me is being mainly veggie- about 75-80% of the time at home and eating whatever I want when I eat out- because I don't do that more than couple of times a month. Real restaurants only, no fast food.
I also cut out almost all processed foods, though I do allow for the occasional splurge- good potato chips and gelato. And good dark chocolate.
I have a mild milk allergy so I cut that out and switched to soy milk .
Lots of beans, lentils, whole grains, tofu, peanut and other nut butters, though I do eat fish, and once in a great while chicken or pork. Of course an abundance of fruits and veggies daily. Salads and stir fries are your friend, as are ethnic recipes - Mexican, Indian Asian... Low salt-LOTS of herbs and spices and low fat- usually olive oil. Cheese and eggs but in limited quantities.
I gave up diet soda 9 years ago after being a junkie for a long time. Now its water, some juice and lots of tea- herbal and regular- but unsweetened.
Since I never feel deprived- I can have gelato or chocolate or chips or things like that if I want them- I don't pig out when I do have them. Its a lifestyle change, not a diet- and its worked for me.
In two and a half years I've dropped about 25 pounds and my BP
was 120/72 last time I checked it.
The sort of eating/cooking plan I created for myself is something I can easily follow for the rest of my life, and probably keep the weight off. Unlike with diets- where one tends to gain back what's been lost when regular eating habits are resumed.
What I've found works for me is being mainly veggie- about 75-80% of the time at home and eating whatever I want when I eat out- because I don't do that more than couple of times a month. Real restaurants only, no fast food.
I also cut out almost all processed foods, though I do allow for the occasional splurge- good potato chips and gelato. And good dark chocolate.
I have a mild milk allergy so I cut that out and switched to soy milk .
Lots of beans, lentils, whole grains, tofu, peanut and other nut butters, though I do eat fish, and once in a great while chicken or pork. Of course an abundance of fruits and veggies daily. Salads and stir fries are your friend, as are ethnic recipes - Mexican, Indian Asian... Low salt-LOTS of herbs and spices and low fat- usually olive oil. Cheese and eggs but in limited quantities.
I gave up diet soda 9 years ago after being a junkie for a long time. Now its water, some juice and lots of tea- herbal and regular- but unsweetened.
Since I never feel deprived- I can have gelato or chocolate or chips or things like that if I want them- I don't pig out when I do have them. Its a lifestyle change, not a diet- and its worked for me.
In two and a half years I've dropped about 25 pounds and my BP
was 120/72 last time I checked it.
The sort of eating/cooking plan I created for myself is something I can easily follow for the rest of my life, and probably keep the weight off. Unlike with diets- where one tends to gain back what's been lost when regular eating habits are resumed.
jmac, thanks for commenting! How incredible despite the weight gain that you stayed off the cigarettes!!! I congratulate you. I know many who have not won that addiction. I am so glad your weight has dropped but how sad the taste is gone and the enjoyment of food! The medications have such an impact as that? Or the foods you must stick to are not as much a treat I assume. best, libby
Enemy of the state,
thanks so much for the perspective and inspiration!
As Stuart said above, veggies sound like the smart way to go. Introducing far more into my own meal plan.
You suggest getting rid of the processed foods. More beans, fish, chicken, pork, fruits, nuts. Limited cheese and eggs.
I like what you say about its being a lifestyle change NOT a diet!
Your success seriously does inspire and gives me hope!
best, libby
thanks so much for the perspective and inspiration!
As Stuart said above, veggies sound like the smart way to go. Introducing far more into my own meal plan.
You suggest getting rid of the processed foods. More beans, fish, chicken, pork, fruits, nuts. Limited cheese and eggs.
I like what you say about its being a lifestyle change NOT a diet!
Your success seriously does inspire and gives me hope!
best, libby
FWIW: I've been googling around before doing my weekly grocery shopping tonight. I was startled on one site that cites 5 foods that have been touted as healthy but are not in terms of manufacturing sugar in the body after consumed. Orange juice, artificial sweeteners, whole wheat bread, fake butter, and soy milk products are not good. They are insulin producing triggers apparently.
While googling I discovered that sweet potatoes, sprouted grain bread (say what?), quinoa (not sure what that is ... rice... and how to cook it) are recommended for low fat meals. Nuts are good. Eggs are good, but 7 a week no more. Avocados are good. Fish. Trail mix. Bacon. Steak. Mangos. Unsweetened Greek yogurt. Broccoli, salmon, black beans, chickpeas, squash, watermelon, bananas, canned tomatoes, apples, berries, pears, oranges, etc. and vegetables.
Real ice cream better than frozen yogurt. Seltzer with fruit better than diet soda.
The liver I learned has to filter the blood from toxins and breakdown fats in the body. With too much crap going in the liver can't cover all of this.
Also, under-eating sends the body into starvation mode and no fat then gets processed.
FWIW!
best, libby
While googling I discovered that sweet potatoes, sprouted grain bread (say what?), quinoa (not sure what that is ... rice... and how to cook it) are recommended for low fat meals. Nuts are good. Eggs are good, but 7 a week no more. Avocados are good. Fish. Trail mix. Bacon. Steak. Mangos. Unsweetened Greek yogurt. Broccoli, salmon, black beans, chickpeas, squash, watermelon, bananas, canned tomatoes, apples, berries, pears, oranges, etc. and vegetables.
Real ice cream better than frozen yogurt. Seltzer with fruit better than diet soda.
The liver I learned has to filter the blood from toxins and breakdown fats in the body. With too much crap going in the liver can't cover all of this.
Also, under-eating sends the body into starvation mode and no fat then gets processed.
FWIW!
best, libby
ps I'm also committing to writing down whenever I eat and being honest about how hungry I am and what emotion I am feeling. I also want to say the serenity prayer before i eat and not go into unconscious mode. best, libby
Don't worry about the prohibitions, Libby. If you eat a high protein breakfast - say 2 hard boiled eggs - you will lose your cravings for sweets and carbs. It may take 2-3 months but it will happen.
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